The recipe for harmony in couple: fights. Why forgiveness can have negative effects!
Even is said that it's good to forgive and forget, psychologists view it different, claiming that anger and fights can be the best way to resolve conflicts in the couple preventing accumulation of resentment.
James McNulty, associate professor at the University of Tennessee, says that "short-term discomfort of a discussion at nerves, but with sincerity", can be beneficial for long-term relationship health.
He says he found evidence that all thoughts and behavior associated with well being eventually lead to worsening of people condition, usually people who are not get a good feeling easily.
Thus, he began to investigate costs of positive psychology and, in some recent studies are found that forgiveness in marriage may have unintended negative effects.
"We all have part in a relationship of partner's transgression against us somehow. For example, the partner may be financially irresponsible, unfaithful or may not support the other. When such things happen, we decide if we stay mad and angry or forgive"
, says James McNulty.
His research revealed that there are many factors that influence the effectiveness of forgiveness, including severity and frequency of transgression, but also how well the partner bears.
"The belief that partner is forgiving makes people less inclined to be nice to offend and those disagreeable, more inclined to do"
, says McNulty.
In addition, it indicates the anger that hurt that his behavior is not acceptable, otherwise the problem may still exist and may affect long-term relationship.
However, how people decide if a conflict in a relationship is determined by the circumstances in which the decision and there is no single right answer for all situations, says McNulty.
harmony in couple
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